Why did the pianist keep the door unlocked?
They already had plenty of keys.
Why it works
Double meaning. Keys open locks and are also the levers played on a piano.
Conservatory of Comic Timing
Music jokes.
Clean music jokes about notes, rests, keys, conductors, instruments, and performers with excellent timing.
Music and comedy both depend on timing, expectation, and a satisfying resolution. Music also happens to contain keys, scales, movements, rests, staffs, bridges, and notes—words that are perfectly respectable until a pun gets hold of them.
This collection is suitable for rehearsals, lessons, programs, and anyone who knows that a well-placed groan can be almost as harmonious as applause.
Collected specimens
Music jokes for immediate deployment.
Reveal each answer, inspect the mechanism, or save a favorite in this browser.
Why did the orchestra conductor carry a map?
The piece had several movements.
Why it works
Double meaning. A musical work can have movements, while a map helps someone plan physical movement.
What is a musician’s favorite kind of fish?
A tuna.
Why it works
Sound-alike. “Tuna” sounds like “tuner,” a device or person used to tune an instrument.
Why did the drum go to bed early?
It was completely beat.
Why it works
Double meaning. “Beat” can mean exhausted or the rhythmic pulse played on a drum.
What did the guitar say during the argument?
Do not fret about it.
Why it works
Double meaning. To fret means worry; frets are the raised strips along a guitar’s neck.
Why did the singer bring a ladder?
They wanted to reach the high notes.
Why it works
Literal reading. High notes have greater pitch, but the ladder treats “high” as physical elevation.
Why did the quarter note take a break?
It needed a rest.
Why it works
Double meaning. A rest is a musical symbol for silence and also a break from activity.
What do you call a cow that plays an instrument?
A moo-sician.
Why it works
Sound substitution. The cow’s sound “moo” replaces the first syllable of “musician.”
Why was the trumpet asked to speak quietly?
It kept blowing its own horn.
Why it works
Idiom. To blow your own horn means boast; a trumpet player literally blows a horn.
Why did the choir stay after rehearsal?
It had a few issues to resolve in harmony.
Why it works
Double meaning. Harmony describes compatible relationships as well as combinations of musical pitches.
What did the metronome say to the late musician?
You have terrible timing.
Why it works
Literal reading. Musical timing and punctuality are two meanings of “timing.”
Why did the bass player avoid the roof?
They preferred staying on the low end.
Why it works
Literal reading. Bass occupies a low pitch range, and the “low end” is also physically away from a roof.
Why was the sheet music hired immediately?
It was already on staff.
Why it works
Double meaning. Being “on staff” means being employed, while written music is literally placed on a musical staff.
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
The trom-bone.
Why it works
Word boundary. The word “trombone” is redivided to emphasize “bone,” which skeletons have.
Why did the melody cross the road?
It was heading toward a new bridge.
Why it works
Double meaning. A bridge crosses an obstacle and is also a contrasting section of a song.
Why did the drummer take a job at the bakery?
There were plenty of rolls to handle.
Why it works
Double meaning. Drummers perform drum rolls, while bakeries make bread rolls.
Why did the violinist solve the mystery?
They followed a string of clues.
Why it works
Idiom. A string of clues is a sequence of evidence, and a violin is played using strings.
Why did the composer bring an eraser to rehearsal?
The score needed a few corrections.
Why it works
Double meaning. A score is written music as well as a recorded result that may need correcting.
Why did the saxophone redecorate the room?
It wanted to jazz the place up.
Why it works
Idiom. To jazz something up is to make it livelier, and the saxophone is strongly associated with jazz music.
Why did the music stand remain calm during the argument?
It knew the score.
Why it works
Idiom. To know the score means to understand a situation; a music stand literally holds a musical score.
Why did the opera singer open a window?
The room needed a little more aria.
Why it works
Sound-alike. “Aria,” a solo song in an opera, sounds like “air,” which an open window lets into a room.
What did the cymbal say after bumping into the drum?
Sorry about the crash.
Why it works
Double meaning. A crash is a collision and also a loud cymbal sound.
Why did the flute win the quiet conversation contest?
It knew how to keep its tone light.
Why it works
Double meaning. Tone describes both a manner of speaking and the quality of a musical sound.
Why did the unresolved chord seek counseling?
It was carrying too much tension.
Why it works
Specialized meaning. Tension can mean emotional strain or musical instability that seems to call for resolution.
Why did the composer redesign the flower bed?
It needed a better arrangement.
Why it works
Double meaning. An arrangement can be a version of a musical composition or the deliberate placement of flowers.
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